WHY ARE YOU TRYING TO RUIN MY LIFE

[M4M] Why Are You Trying to Ruin My Life? [rape] [msub] [co-workers] [crazy ex] [blowjob] [face fucking] [deepthroat] [making out] [clothed sex] [crying] [cum play] [bondage] [cum eating] [D/s][noncon] [wet sounds] [yandere] [17:02]

“No matter what they wish for, no matter how far they go, people can never be anything but themselves. That's all.” -Haruki Murakami

This is an extreme M4M [rape] fantasy. The purpose is for those interested in this fantasy to be entertained by it, which I encourage if that is what you seek, or aroused by it (as I am, admittedly, which distresses me in point addressed by the artist statement below, though I will not allow distress to supersede arousal or vice a verse, I can only attempt to reconcile the two). [Rape] is not something I exactly wish to glorify, but it is not as simple as just banishing it from our consciousness.

ARTIST STATEMENT (please read):

This piece uses sound effects to as strictly as possible follow a visceral experience of the listener, the abuser's perspective. This perspective constantly strays from the speaker in favor of the listener so that you are forced into the shoes of the perpetrator, and thus is a testament to that experience, and not a glorification of the victim's experience.

I don't think there has been a single original fill I've created that hasn't been some statement on a life experience. A friend of mine listened to this and said that listening to my "pleading [and] crying...felt it's too real."

Well, it is real. I don't hide that I am an interdisciplinary artist and erotic audio is just one medium I express process. This performance was very real. Performance is art, art is truth, truth is life and life is real.

Glorifying rape is not something I seek to do, but it is no secret that rape victims often carry the echoes of their trauma with them and translate it into fantasy, and how they deal with this can be sometimes healthy, sometimes not.

I have been through a severe, traumatic incident instigated by an ex lover. I was stripped naked and used by multiple people against my will. This audio walks a fine line between personal rebuttal, the obscene, art, and therapy. As an artist, I needed to create it to get it out of my head, out of my system.

The title of this piece is a phrase, "Why are you trying to ruin my life?" -- and the phrase is repeated both verbally and in motif by the speaker. This proclamation, "why did you ruin my life?" is my way of addressing that very sentiment that I have carried with me for a decade, talking to the ghosts of my ex and the things he did to me, and how the personal consequences of those things have haunted and twisted my soul, affected me emotionally, and rippled through my life well beyond the last contact I even made with the perpetrator. This is my way of saying out loud, publicly and on MY terms, what I never got to say to him, to his face.

To confront him and to let go, after a fashion. Though, nothing is ever quite that simple. But we all must confront our demons in our way and as a creator this is in small part a way for me to put to bed some of the ghosts of my past.

Hurt happens. If you are hurting, please do something about it, and especially reach out to others for support if you need it.

I hope this provides you a unique lens to experience this piece. No background score, just scene and performance. I hope you can enjoy in your own way.